u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
be right there i have to get my cape
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize