wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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