Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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