I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
