Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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