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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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