Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
