His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
