I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
