The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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