just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I want to fling myself into the sun
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
