i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
