I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
