i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
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