The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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