I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
