Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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