I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
