My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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