my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
