Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
