I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
