dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize