Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How's work?
Spinning.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
