Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
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