1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
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Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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