i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
