i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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