I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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