i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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