It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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