Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
he shaved USA in his pubs
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
