I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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