Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
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too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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