Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
