toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So drunk its hurt
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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