I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize