I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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