thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
