I hope mine doesn't look like that
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
