New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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