My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Randomize
