I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
