The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
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Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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