we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
