Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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