oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
