I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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