I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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