I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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