what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
