somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
