thus making me awesome and them whores
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
