I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
