Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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