New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
