Don't you send me to vm
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Randomize
