i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
she peed on how many people?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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