Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
