life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
