just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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