thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize