that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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